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Mental Skills Toolkit:

How a Habit of Positive Self-Talk can Elevate your Soccer Game

Published: July 7, 2021
Updated: February 23, 2023
By: Jenn Ireland

Category: Confidence, Growth-Mindset, On the Soccer Field, Performing under Pressure

Are you constantly wishing that you were a player who had more confidence and composure on the soccer field? Here’s the good news: you CAN be that player. How? By being very intentional about using positive self-talk before, during and after your soccer games.

Having positive self-talk doesn’t mean being chipper and cheerful all the time. Having positive self-talk simply means making sure you have only GOOD, USEFUL and CONSTRUCTIVE messages running through your head on the soccer field. And that you are intentionally choosing to say NO to the detrimental thoughts that get in the way of your ability to focus and concentrate on the soccer game in front of you.

A habit of positive self-talk is something that can give you a HUGE edge on your competition. Positive self-talk can help you take your soccer game to the next level (and pretty quickly too if you commit and get invested). Let’s dive in and talk about how developing a habit of positive self-talk (specifically motivational and instructional self-talk) can help you increase your confidence, perform under pressure and ultimately, get better at soccer.

Are you your own worst enemy on the soccer field?

To build confidence in soccer and play more calmly under pressure, you MUST commit to leaving behind detrimental, negative thinking. Detrimental thinking refers to any damaging self-talk or self-defeating mentality – basically any and all thoughts that are not GOOD, USEFUL or CONSTRUCTIVE to your game. You must let go of self-criticism too, as it is sabotaging your efforts to improve and play to your potential.

Self-defeating thoughts typically happen unconsciously, meaning you are not purposely trying to think them, they are just showing up and getting in the way. When you suffer from negative thoughts and negative self-talk, it typically shows up pretty regularly and is deeply ingrained in how you operate – meaning you’ve been doing it for a long time, you just might not have been fully aware of it. This can make it very challenging to overcome, but by taking it one step at a time, you CAN replace it with positive self-talk that is actually helpful to your game.

Thoughts that negatively impact your game

These self-defeating thoughts all impede focus and concentration and contribute to players getting in THEIR OWN WAY on the soccer field.

racing, anxious thoughts
overthinking (about anything and everything)
worrying about what others think, if their performance is good enough
catastrophizing (thinking about the worst case scenario)
negative self talk (aka beating themselves up)
replaying mistakes, getting stuck in past moments and regretting decisions
resenting or being angry at teammates, refs, coaches, or anything you can’t control
‘I should have done better’ thoughts about missed opportunities
putting unrealistic expectations on yourself in regards to game outcomes

replaying mistakes on the soccer field

While all of these unhelpful thoughts contribute to players self-sabotaging their own game, one of the most detrimental is getting hung up on mistakes. These repetitive, negative thoughts steal your focus and set you up for MORE errors because you’re not fully concentrated on the game. You’re not fully present, you’re living in the past replaying and reliving the mistake.

This quote from one of my favorites, NBA mental performance skills coach, George Mumford, sums up well the predicament that dwelling on mistakes can put you in: “If you missed a play, it’s over. You can’t dwell on your frustration unless you want to carry that frustration with you into the next play and trip yourself up with that impediment.”

Self-awareness is the first step

It is possible to end these self-defeating, overcritical thought patterns. It just requires practice, patience and a whole lot of self-awareness. To stop the racing thoughts, the overthinking, etc. you first need to be aware of what is happening and what is going on inside of your head. You have to be aware of the damage being done to your game and acknowledge that it is an issue

Good self-awareness means that you realize that negative self-talk is hurting you, meaning it is holding you back from getting better at soccer. Only then, after you’ve had this aha moment of awareness, can you make the conscious, intentional choice to work for change and start to bring in positive self-talk.

Positive self-talk is a skill, meaning you can learn it and get better at it, but it is also a CHOICE. A choice to protect yourself and your game by only allowing in good, useful and constructive thinking.

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How your thoughts impact your confidence and composure

First off, let’s get clear on the definition of confidence and composure as they apply to the game of soccer:

{Confidence} means having a generally positive view of yourself while still understanding and being aware of both your strengths & your weaknesses.

Having a positive view of yourself happens when you have faith in your ability. You grow your belief in yourself by relentlessly preparing (training, learning, putting in the extra work, etc). You also grow your belief in yourself by being very intentional with your thoughts how you choose to talk to yourself.

{Composure} means having the ability to regulate your focus and your emotion. Under pressure. In any situation.

When you are distracted by racing thoughts or flooded with anger and resentment toward the referee, you are NOT regulating your focus or your emotion. You aren’t in control of either.

A habit of helpful, positive self-talk impacts your confidence, composure and overall game play. Same goes for detrimental thinking, just in the opposite direction. With negative self-talk, your performance will suffer as your thoughts become your reality.

Negative thoughts destroy confidence and composure by making it very busy inside your head. The self-defeating thoughts make it impossible to concentrate on the things you need to concentrate on in order to play well (such as where the ball is, what am I doing to support my teammates and create space, am I in the right position to defend, etc.).

Detrimental thoughts fill you with doubt, take away your focus, destroy your belief in yourself and make it more likely that you’ll make panicky, rushed decisions. The opposite of calm and composed. And this doesn’t help your confidence either.

When your thinking is negative and critical, and your self-talk makes you feel crappy, you are NOT going to feel confident. And if you don’t feel confident you aren’t going to be very composed, calm or focused. All of which leads to you NOT maximizing your potential on the soccer field or being in a state of mind where you can best impact the game and put in a solid performance.

Grow your confidence through preparedness.

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What 'being positive' on the soccer field means

A message that I think gets confused a lot in soccer (and in life if we’re being honest) in ‘positive thinking’. ‘Being positive’ does NOT mean ignoring the bad things that are happening on the field and forcing yourself to be super cheerful and upbeat. If you are down 2-0 at half-time, a peppy, light, positive demeanor is NOT what is going to help you turn the situation around. But intentionally setting your mindset with positive self-talk WILL.

What ‘being positive’ on the soccer field means is having good and useful thinking. It means your self-talk is helpful and encouraging. It means you are focusing on constructively thinking about the situation at hand and doing what you can to make a difference and help your team.

two types of positive self-talk

Positive self-talk includes many things, but to keep it simple we are going to focus on just two: motivational self-talk & instructional self-talk. Both are ways of thinking that can help you right now in this exact moment. Both are good strategies for combatting detrimental thoughts by replacing them with good, useful and constructive thinking.

{Instructional self-talk} is when you give yourself a short instruction about what you should be doing right now in the game. Instructional self-talk is used as a trigger to get you to do something specific. Instructional self-talk is things you can DO, actions you can TAKE.

Instructional self-talk helps you stay calm and keep your mind focused on actions that are within your control. To use instructional self-talk on the field, come up with short, specific phrases or questions that give you direction and are easy to remember. Then put them on repeat in your head. Here’s a few examples: check your shoulders, where’s the space, pick your head up.

Instructional self-talk has the added bonus of keeping you from overthinking, because when you are thinking about your instructional self-talk it puts everything else out of your mind. And your body follows the dominate thought in your head, so instead of overthinking & not being focused, you’ll be taking ACTION in the game. Sounds great right?

{Motivational self-talk} is slightly different and probably more traditionally what you would think of as positive self-talk. Motivational self-talk is encouraging reminders that help motivate you and boost your confidence and belief in yourself. Examples include: “you’ve got this!” and “you are prepared for this, you’ve worked hard and know what to do!”

Motivational self-talk is best used before games or when you have a second to reset on the field, while instructional self-talk is the more helpful in the moment during the run of play.

How to start using positive-self talk at games

The first step to bringing more positive self-talk into your soccer games is awareness. You need to be able to identify the moments when self-defeating mentalities are taking over. This is because, if you can’t see it happening, it’s impossible to change.

Once you have that awareness (which can take a little bit of time), you can move forward and start rewiring your habits. When you notice detrimental thoughts start creeping in, you’ll want to forcefully use positive self-talk to refocus your attention. Start scanning the field, looking for information and giving yourself directions about where you can go and what you can do (aka instructional self-talk). At the same time keep reminding yourself that you’re prepared and ready (aka motivational self-talk).

Your brain is trained to behave in the way it is behaving (the negative, self-defeating mentalities) so and it’s going to take some dedication, hard-work and deliberate planning for you to create new habits and change the patterns. But it is so worth it. Remember:

Remember, you are in charge of what you choose to focus on and what you choose to tell yourself. It is your choice. Positive self-talk is YOUR CHOICE.

Starting a habit of positive self-talk

In the insightful habit-setting book Atomic Habits, author James Clear says that you have to intentionally choose HOW you are going to carry things out in order to make positive change. This is extremely applicable here as ultimately what we are trying to do is create a new habit – a habit of positive thinking at soccer games.

"Being specific about what you want and how you will achieve it helps you say no to things that derail your progress, distract your attention, and pull you off course."

James Clear, Atomic Habits

To help yourself with this new habit formation, you might want to try pre-planning your positive self-talk so that you are armed and ready when the usual self-defeating thoughts start to take hold. Having a plan in place will help you SAY NO to those persistent self-defeating thoughts and instead start to shift towards a habit of positive self-talk.

So what’s the plan? Pro-actively cultivate positive self-talk BEFORE, DURING and AFTER the game. Let’s dive in.

BEFORE: Start with a winning pre-game mindset

In the car on the way to the game, throughout warmups and in the time leading up to kickoff, many players are in the habit of threatening themselves with what they NEED to do during the match. They spend the time before their soccer game putting internal pressure on themselves to play well.

Prepping for a game by telling yourself to not make mistakes will definitely have an effect on your game – but not the kind you were hoping for. If your usual pre-game mindset is sprinkled with anxiety, overthinking, negative self-talk and worse case scenario situations, then your entire game is going to be filled with them as well. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

A good pregame personal pep-talk should prepare you to play and enter the game calm and clear headed. Here are some examples of things you can focus on prior to kickoff that will help you enter the game more poised and prepared. Ask yourself:

What am I good at? (Ex: overlapping runs up the flank!)
What have I been working hard to improve lately? (my left-footed shot!)
How am I going to help my teammates play well today? (move into supportive positions early and give good angles to the ball carrier!)
What can I commit to bringing to my game today, regardless of outcome? (playing with intensity, running hard, and providing good information to my teammates!)

Before the game, prepare by using motivational self-talk and repeating positive, encouraging messages to yourself. Build yourself up, remind yourself of the things you do well and commit to giving everything you’ve got on the field today. Remind yourself that you have worked hard this week – you are prepared and ready!

DURING: Maintaining good and useful thinking throughout the match

When you are playing great and having an awesome game, it’s very easy to feel good about yourself and keep the self-talk positive. The challenge comes when you aren’t playing well, how do you maintain good, useful and constructive thinking then? How easy is positive self-talk in these moments? It’s not.

Even if you started the game confident and composed, you might find that original mentality slipping after something happens and triggers negative, unhelpful thoughts. This is where your planning and intentionally cultivated game mentality comes in.

When you notice your attitude shifting and detrimental thoughts start taking over, MAKE A CONSCIENCE CHOICE TO END THEM. In the words of soccer psychologist Dan Abrahams, “your soccer attitude is a choice,” your thoughts are your choice. YOU must CHOOSE to make the negative thoughts temporary. You must choose to replace them with positive self-talk.

If you struggle to make the negative thoughts temporary during the run of play, try this trick. Tell yourself that you will allow yourself to mill this over for an unlimited amount of time – it just must be AFTER THE GAME, just not now. Now is for good and useful thinking only. (The kicker is that chances are high that you won’t even want to spend time with them later, as moving past self-defeating thoughts when they are most powerful is the hardest part.)

Instructional self-talk to help refocus attention

Before the game, you’ll want to pre-plan the instructional self-talk you will use when detrimental thoughts and negative self-talk arise. Remember, instructional self talk is short, specific messages or questions that redirect your attention onto the present moment and trigger you to take action. Examples:

Pick your head up, make eye contact, anticipate
How can we get in behind?
Find space, run into space, lose my mark
Who has the ball? Can I better position myself to receive it from them?
Where is the danger? Where is the opportunity?

Another thing that helps here is to come into the game with instructional self-talk that is specifically focused on your position and your responsibilities. For example, if you are playing a center midfield position, on the attack you might say to yourself “take space, first look forward, break lines, check the flanks.”

Sport mantras as motivational self-talk

A mantra is “an affirmation to motivate and inspire you to be your best self.” And in sports, mantras are typically used as positive self-talk to acknowledge how you want to play. Sport mantras should be short, catchy and easy to remember. Something that resonates with you. Examples:

“I am ready, I have trained hard, I feel great.” (to boost confidence and composure)
“So what, what’s next?” (to recover after mistakes and refocus)
“Inhale your courage, exhale your fear” (to calm yourself and release anxiety)
“As the game gets longer, I get stronger” (to give yourself an energy boost as fatigue sets in)
“Fast is better than slow” (to remind yourself to make early decisions and keep a high tempo)

AFTER: Post-game reflection and self-talk

There will ALWAYS be things that you wish you could have done better when looking back on a game. Every single time. Playing a perfect game is not possible, but learning and growing from each match IS.

Players with self-defeating though patterns and negative self-talk often reflect on the game by being overcritical of themselves and obsessing over mistakes, sometimes beating themselves up for hours and even days afterwards. Positive self-talk here would look different. Instead of being self-critical, choose to objectively reflect on the game, face weaknesses head on and commit to yourself to do the work to improve for next time.

Soccer players that are growth-minded are able to reflect post-game with a healthy striving mentality. They use positive self-talk to motivate and encourage themselves and make a tangible plan to improve. They are confident in themselves and understand that looking at and exploring their weaknesses will help them focus their individual soccer training and fine-tune the details of their game.

If you can reframe mistakes and learn to be GRATEFUL when weaknesses get exposed, you’ll have a much clearer picture of what you need to do to take your game to the next level. It takes out the guesswork of what you should work on next. Now you have clarity and can get to work on it right away. Reminding yourself of this during your post-game reflection will keep your self-talk positive and focused on good and useful things.

When it comes to post-game self-talk, you want to be kind to yourself (aka have self-compassion because we are all human), but still hold yourself accountable for your performance and for improving on it. Acknowledge the things you did well and how you helped the team, but also take responsibility for yourself and your development and make a plan to work on the pieces of your game that need improvement.

Poised, confident and unstoppable

Putting in the work to develop a habit of positive self-talk at soccer games does more than just get rid of the negative thoughts, it helps you build confidence on the soccer field. By taking action and DOING something for yourself and your development, you start to trust yourself more and have faith in yourself.

This positive perspective also helps to further quiet the self-defeating thoughts and keep emotions in check, which allows you to play with a calmer mindset and be more composed under pressure. It all comes full circle

Every day that you work to develop good, useful & constructive thinking and positive self-talk, you are doing something phenomenal for yourself as a soccer player AND as a human. Constant improvement is part of the journey, and struggle is a necessary component to forward progression. Internalizing this is a central piece of the elite athlete’s journey.

Positive thinking and positive self-talk are skills, skills that you can learn. You are in complete control of this aspect of your game. Whether it’s advice from this post, or something else, figure out what works for you individually and go for it. Create a mental performance environment for yourself in which you are comfortable, focused and able to maximize your potential and elevate your game.

Self-talk is powerful. Thoughts are powerful. Words are powerful. Remember, “you are what you think”, and a negative, self-defeating mindset will only leave you in a negative, self-defeated place. Make the choice today, choose to use positive self-talk at soccer games and get ready to start experiencing your own greatness.

Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!

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Haroun Mafhoum

1 year ago

This opened my eyes to the mental side of the game that I didn’t understand. I also neglect my mentality in soccer and now understand how the negative-self talk can impact performance. I will try to improve my mental toughness skills from now on.

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Jenn Ireland

1 year ago

Reply to Haroun Mafhoum

Hi Haroun, I am glad this article was able to shine a light on a new perspective and way of looking at things! Yes, the power of intentional self-talk, and other mental skills work, really is boundless both in regards to enhancing performance AND helping with balance and overall mental wellbeing.

wpDiscuz

Hi everyone!

I'm Jenn, a USSF C-licensed youth soccer coach, mental skills coach & founder here at Expand Your Game. I created this site because it is the site I needed when I was a soccer player.

About me: I am a former newspaper photojournalist who loves downtempo electronic music, guacamole and books of every sort. And of course soccer! On days off you can find me researching tiny farms in Portugal , tossing a frisbee for my dog, or tending to my growing collection of indoor plants.