Confidence, confidence, confidence – the elusive thing every soccer player is constantly in pursue of. It’s a shared experience: wanting to PLAY with more confidence, to FEEL more confident, to BE more confident in soccer.
Well – this insight is big and we think it could change the game for you and help you move the needle.
There is ONE BIG THING holding most of us back from being more confident in soccer. ONE BIG THING that once we know it and understand it, and start to have more awareness of it, can really be the key to FINALLY unlocking your confidence struggles on the soccer field.
What is this ONE BIG THING? It’s being reliant on external validation. What do we mean by that? Let’s break it down and also talk about how to move past it so that you can be more confident in soccer.
This Post Contains:
The trap of external validation
External validation is dangerous because many of us RELY on it for confidence. Meaning that when other people approve of us, compliment us, tell us good job, then (and only then) we allow ourselves to feel good and believe in ourselves. Reliance on external validation is what is holding you back from being more confident in soccer.
Being dependent on external validation is a trap that a lot of us fall into, soccer player or not. A trap that most of us don’t even know we are in. It’s dangerous and it has unbelievable power over you.
When someone tells you how great you are because you just scored a goal, gives you congrats for getting an A on that hard test, or says how awesome your outfit is – that is all external validation. It is approval coming to you from an outside source, telling you that you are worthwhile.
Now don’t get me wrong, compliments like this are wonderful! It’s always great to hear “nice job!” from someone and be acknowledged for your hard work. It truly is a great confidence boost and makes you feel good about yourself. It’s when we FULLY RELY ON THIS for our self-worth & confidence that it gets dangerous – it’s when we NEED other people to tell us that we are worthwhile in order to ourselves, feel worthwhile.
Here’s the most dangerous part of this: IT IS FLEETING. The feelings that you get from acing a test or having your coach compliment your skill at soccer practice only last for a short time, a few hours to a few days at max. And then what? Then your confidence is no longer as high and you are off in search of more approval, more external validation so that your confidence can get another boost.
The danger zone
To sum it up, completely relying on external validation to feel more confident in soccer is dangerous because:
Reason 1) External validation is fleeting, you cannot depend on it because it doesn’t stick around. It leaves your confidence (and you) very unstable – your confidence is up when those around you are telling you what you ‘need’ to hear, and your confidence is low when they are not.
Reason 2) This leads to the second reason. By relying on external validation for confidence, you are allowing something outside of your control (other people) to affect the way you feel about yourself. Your self-worth isn’t determined by YOU at this point, it’s determined by what OTHERS think.
Grow your confidence through preparedness.
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How to be more confident in soccer - focus inward
True, stable confidence and belief in yourself comes from INTERNAL validation. What are YOU doing to validate yourself? To praise yourself, to acknowledge yourself for all the hard work you are doing?
Or maybe start here: Do YOU have your own back? Do YOU know that you can do this, no matter what the world around you says? Do YOU tell yourself ‘nice job’ at the end of the day when you quietly worked your butt off and did a whole bunch of work to progress your soccer game, even though nobody else saw or was around?
Remember, yes it’s always nice to have people see the great things you are doing and give you their approval and validation, but what’s even nicer is when ALL OF THAT IS JUST BONUS because you’ve already done all that for yourself and validated your own worthiness, YOURSELF!
All the validation from others is just the icing on the cake – you don’t NEED it, but its still nice to have 🙂
Be your own confidence builder, YOU support yourself in a way that makes you more confident in soccer. YOU are in charge of how you feel about yourself, no one else.
Own your growth. Give yourself a pat on the back. Cheerlead yourself. Validate YOURSELF today.
Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
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