April 9, 2024: Coaches and parents, do you have a soccer player that is a perfectionist? Does she struggle to be creative, brave, confident and play with freedom and enjoyment because she’s so afraid of messing up? 💔😔⚽️ If so, then this is for you.
Here’s what is happening: your player wants to skip immediately to step 3 (below), without dealing with step 1 and step 2 first. And because a part of her thinks this is possible (to skip right to step 3), the result is that she is getting nowhere. She is actually holding herself back and keeping herself small. She’s getting in her own way and preventing herself from maximizing her potential.
Let’s use the example of wanting to get better at taking players on 1v1. Step 1, the first thing you have to accomplish, is just taking players on 1v1. Doesn’t matter what the result is, doesn’t matter if you get through or not, you just gotta DO it, and do it with consistency. The WIN here is just DOING THE THING, taking the action.
You can't move on to step 2 until you've completed step 1. That is because you can't tweak the thing until you are DOING THE THING.
Step 2 is all about tweaking it, cleaning it up, sharpening up details, making it look better. If we are talking about taking players on 1v1, then this part is all about the technique:
- Do I need to turn my body differently?
- Am I going too early, too late?
- Am I going into the move with enough speed?
- Do I know WHEN is the right moment to take someone on?
- Are my touches sharp enough? Close enough?
- Etc.
All of this is part of step 2, but again, we do not want to move on to step 2 until we are doing step 1 with a LOT of regularity.
The last step, step 3, is consistent, high level execution. This is where the thing becomes second nature and you don’t have to think too much about it. This is where we ultimately want to be, I get that, but the problem that a lot of players have is that they want to jump right to step 3. They want to skip step 1 and step 2 and go right to step 3.
And this is never going to happen. It’s just not possible.
If you are a player that identifies as a perfectionist, or experiences any perfectionistic tendencies, then you are probably one of those people that wants to jump right to step 3. Meaning, you only want to take someone on 1v1 if you are guaranteed it’ll be flawless. And that mindset absolutely holds you back and prevents you from gaining the skill you want (to successfully take players on 1v1).
You're never going to be able to skip right to step 3. And every time you attempt to do that, you're going to feel bad because it's not gunna work out.
You aren’t going to be able to meet your standards.
BUT (here’s the cool part): when we start to look at it as this 3 step process and we really only focus on step 1 first, we can actually move toward that step 3 much quicker than you might expect. So, how can you start to help your player do this?
Step 1 has to be the HOLY GRAIL 🦄⚽️💡🏆🎉🥰, the only thing your conversation centers on.
Meaning, STEP 1 IS THE WIN AND THE ONLY WIN right now. Doing the thing is the success, it literally doesn’t matter what happens outcome wise (if it works or not), the only thing that matters is attempting it, trying it, DOING IT. Being very diligent about this is going to make a difference and put you on the right path.
Talk to your player about this concept and see what they think. Ask them why step 1 has to be the only thing we focus on at the beginning if they TRULY want to add this skill to their game. Then ask them if they are willing to just try this concept out, and only focus on step 1 right now.
If they agree, what you can do is praise the heck out of any and all attempts at step 1. It needs to become the thing that gets YOU excited, the thing that your external validation is centered around. It needs to become the star of the show.
Do not move the conversation onto step 2 until step 1 is happening with regularity. Don’t talk about the corrections they need to make, about the details of what needs to be done to do it better, until they are just consistently DOING THE THING. Once they are DOING THE THING with regularity then you can let your conversations move toward step 2. And step 2 will naturally evolve, with patience and hard work, into step 3.
As always, take this and change it as needed so that it works for you and your athlete! The ‘right’ way to do mental skills work is to personalize it and do what works for your player 🙂
Till next time,
💎 What I’m digging: The Seattle Sounders! Took them a bit but this week they had an impressive 5-0 win and finally found the back of the net.
👩🏽💻 What I’m reading: No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. This is the most powerful psychology concept I think I’ve ever been exposed to.
🎧 What I’m listening to: Cowboy Carter, what else?
Grow your confidence through preparedness.
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Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
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