May 14, 2024: Let’s be real. In soccer, winning does matter.
Scoring does matter.
Saving goals does matter.
BUT…… there is something that matters even more. And that is you moving yourself FORWARD toward becoming the player you want to be. You growing. You developing. You pushing yourself. You gaining skill. You learning. You EXPANDING YOUR GAME.
As a coach, there has never been a statement I more fully believe in than this one: each and every day, regardless of the result of the game, you can ALWAYS find success as it relates to moving forward toward becoming the player, and person, that you want to be. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Regardless of what happens in the game, regardless of the outcome, you CAN always achieve success inside of a game. It’s all about perspective and inviting in some different ways of thinking, and then going out there and putting all of your attention, energy and effort into only the things you can control.
When players are so convinced that the ONLY win is the result of the game, they do themselves a huge disservice. When this is the only way they define success, they very easily get sucked into self-defeating mentality patterns and are unable to find any value in the game besides walking away with the W. Which not only does a number on your confidence and your self-worth, but also DRASTICALLY limits your ability to maximize your potential and become the best soccer player you can be.
Because here's the honest truth: you DON'T NEED TO WIN IN ORDER TO EXPAND.
Yes winning is WINNING, it’s great, of course! And it’s what we are chasing after every time we get out there on the pitch. BUT, if you truly want to be a great player, during your developmental years (which is EVERY year you are not a professional player), winning the game HAS to be seen as a bonus to all the other wins, all the other SUCCESSES, that you get from the game. If you don’t have this perspective, you aren’t getting as much out of every match as you could be. You aren’t mining it for it’s full value.
So what do we do about this? How can we start to shift things and make sure that our definition of success includes every piece of progress we make?
Coaches and parents, the number one thing to start with here, is you want to work to help players establish some really good habits about how we talk about the game, how we process the game, etc. As a family, or a team, you can opt-out of the standard definition of success at a soccer game. Meaning, the WIN each day is not just winning the game or scoring the goal (those are bonuses and we can celebrate them when they happen for sure, but they are not the main thing we are defining success as.) The main thing we are defining success as is what we just mentioned above: success as it relates to YOU MOVING FORWARD toward becoming the player, and person, you want to be.
And here’s a very simple tool we can use to do this. At your next game, you can decide that: “today I CHOOSE to define success by (_______insert any specific detail of the game, something that nobody can stop me from doing, I’m fully in charge of whether it happens or not) because this progresses me forward toward becoming the player I want to be. THAT is my win today.”
You want to pick a ‘WIN’ that meets these 5 criteria:
- is this thing completely 100% controllable by me?
- is this thing achievable, even if we don’t score and don’t win?
- if I work hard and focus on this thing, can I accomplish it?
- if I do this thing, will I be positively impacting the game?
- will doing this thing make me a stronger player?
(If what you chose doesn’t meet all 5, you do NOT want to use this as a way to define success because you won’t be fully in charge of whether you get the result, you’ll be dependent upon something outside of your control which is what we are trying to get away from. If this happens, pick something new and run it through again.)
Parents, here’s a big thing you can do to help start making these shifts. During the game, watch for your player’s WIN, and then first thing you tell them afterwards is all the times you saw them do that thing. Then, and this is very important, ask them how that makes them feel, knowing they did that for THEM (instead of saying you are proud of them, to help them establish some trust in themselves, we want them to notice that THEY are proud of them).
You can talk about wins and loses yes, but that has to be secondary. The most important thing is a check-in back to the controllable thing (the ‘WIN’) they picked before the game.
Each and every player I work with, my goal is to not just help them understand this concept in their head (because I work with a lot of really smart, wonderful young women who do understand the words and see the truth in this), but to help them understand it in their heart. Mean, really truly FEEL this in their being. Why? Because then and only then does it become a superpower.
When you go out on the field and KNOW this to be true, when you KNOW you can grow your game and advance forward EVERY day, all of the sudden you hold all the power. You now realize fully that YOU ARE IN CHARGE of how good you get.
This is just the tip of the iceberg here, SO much more to talk about in terms of how to execute this and make it work for you and your player. Reach out if you want more!
💎 What I’m digging: Soooouuuuuuunnnnnddddders beat Portland.
👩🏽💻 What I’m reading: Lately I’ve been really into learning about what is ACTUALLY going on in your brain when you are meditating. This article does a pretty good job of explaining.
🎧 What I’m listening to: The audio version of 3 Words for Getting Unstuck, this improv comedy technique of “yes, AND…” is one of the best on and off field mental skills tools you could imagine. Seriously good stuff.
Grow your confidence through preparedness.
Subscribe to our email list to
Get your FREE Weekly Soccer Planner!
We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe anytime.
Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe anytime.
