the tuesday transition - issue 47
April 4, 2023: I have an interesting topic to talk about today, a pattern that I’ve picked up on recently. And that is that many, many, many players who are plagued by self-doubt, limiting beliefs, overthinking and fear of failure on the soccer field, very frequently say that one of their best qualities is being extremely hardworking. Here’s the catch, those same players also frequently say that they rarely feel successful after a game. And this isn’t just like one or two players, this is DOZENS of players that I’ve heard this from.
So what’s going on here? Why are so many hardworking players never able to feel successful? It’s almost as if they have one part of them that understands that being hardworking IS success, but then there’s another part that is holding their confidence hostage and telling them that success ACTUALLY means playing perfect and not making mistakes. So in order to meet their standard of success, deep down at their core, they feel like they need hard work AND perfection.
The truth is that a player’s hard work can’t buy them a perfect game.
This is when success becomes elusive for even the most hard working of soccer players - when it doesn't matter how hard they play and how much effort they give, they will never meet their impossible standard of perfection. They will never find 'success' if they keep defining it that way.
How does it happen that players can be super hardworking but end up never satisfied or happy with their performance? Because, in their head, they aren’t actually basing their success off of their hard work! What are they basing it off of? They are defining success by their ability to reach an unrealistic standard of perfection that they can’t ever have. Perfection is a standard that is impossible to meet because there are other people & situations in the environment that impact your performance, things you don’t have any control over. Demanding from yourself a result that you can’t fully control is detrimental both to your game and to your mental wellness.
The reality is that no matter how hardworking a player is, ‘playing perfect’ is something they can’t get with their effort alone. You will never work hard enough to meet impossible standards of perfection. You CAN work hard enough to meet HIGH expectations though. (If you missed last week’s conversation on the difference between high expectations and impossible expectations, check that out here).
Here’s an example: If I’m a winger and am super hardworking, but I completely center my definition of success around my ability to not make mistakes when attacking and never lose possession when taking opponents on 1v1 – I’m not going to meet that expectation of perfection. I’m going to fall short, EVEN IF I WORK HARD. And I’m never going to be able to feel good about my performance if I am fully wrapped up in this limited definition of success.
Now, if I instead decide to base my success off of my HIGH EXPECTATION of myself to work hard EVEN WHEN MISTAKES HAPPEN, I can change how I feel about myself after a game. If I base success off of my ability to keep going, be resilient, keep fighting for possession, hustle, and try the 1v1 again and again and again, I CAN FIND SUCCESS TODAY – regardless of the result of the 1v1s. I can find success by being hardworking, I just have to set the intention and consciously choose before the game that THIS is how I’m going to define success today. THIS is how I’m going to grade myself, THIS is what I’m choosing to attach my confidence to today: my ability to be hardworking in the 1v1s, NOT my ability to eliminate mistakes in the 1v1s.
Hardworking doesn't get you a perfect performance, hardworking gets you a HARDWORKING performance. A performance full of effort, intensity, urgency, and physicality. A performance full of success.
And the best part about all of this? Being hardworking is 100% fully within your control. Every. Single. Time.
💎 What I’m digging: All the excitement and press coverage this past week with the NCAA women’s basketball March Madness scene. Amazing games, amazing players, amazing women! Love seeing things shift before my eyes.
👩🏽💻 What I’m reading: Fantastic and important article about the topic of ‘athletic shape’ and body shaming in soccer, written by a 2008 player that I personally know who is an amazing advocate and fabulous human.
🎧 What I’m listening to: I’ll give you some tunes this week, here’s what’s been on repeat for me this week: January Flower by Mat Kearney and Asphalt Meadows by Death Cab for Cutie. Enjoy!
Grow your confidence through preparedness.
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Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
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