February 13, 2024: Here’s something I say all the time to my players, something that I fully, wholeheartedly, believe in:
Each and every day, regardless of the result of the game, you can always find success as it relates to moving forward toward becoming the player, and person, that you want to be. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Regardless of what happens in the game, regardless of the outcome, you CAN always achieve success when you start looking at things this way. You can always move toward becoming the player you want to be. It’s all about how we define success, its all about perspective and how we choose to look at things.
Each and every player I work with, my goal is to not just help them understand this concept in their head (because I work with a lot of really smart, wonderful young women who do understand the words and see the truth in the statement), but to help them understand it in their heart. Mean, really truly FEEL this in their being. Why? Because then and only then does it become a superpower. When you go out on the field and KNOW this to be true, when you KNOW you can grow your game and advance forward EVERY day, all of the sudden you hold all the power. You now realize fully that you are in charge of how good you get.
Having tools, having mental skills training, plays a HUGE role in being able to do this. Because when we have mental skills, our lens changes. We can actually SEE more than just that scoreline. We can stay attached to our long term goals even as things get messy and frustrating on the field.
Yes, of course, we always want to strive to win, to help our team protect the goal and to score on the opponent. OF COURSE. This is the objective of the game of soccer, and it’s our team’s collective goal when we hit the field. But what I want you to consider right now is that there are TWO separate objectives during a game. Objective 1 is to do whatever you can to help the team win, yes. Objective 2 is to make sure that you are moving yourself forward toward being the player you want to be. The difference between these two objectives? Objective 2 is fully, 100% within your control, objective 1 is not!
What I'm saying here is that there are two separate ways to measure success at a game, and the team results MUST BE SEPARATE from your definition of what success looks like for YOU. When you start to look at games through these two different lenses, everything changes.
HOW do we do actually do this? How do we define and FIND success in a game separate from the game result? We identify the small, controllable details that will advance our game, and then we fully commit to doing one or two of them all game. Here’s a great, simple example: if you are someone who struggles to check your shoulder and isn’t always aware of what is going on behind you, if you spend an entire game really focusing on getting your head on a swivel and KNOWING what is going on back there (which by the way, is fully 100% within your control), you will be progressing toward being the player you want to be, right? Even if your team loses? YOU BET.
It’s these small ‘level ups’ that we can do EVERY DAY, regardless of result, regardless of what everyone else is doing. When we stay tuned in to what WE can control, THAT is how we progress and move forward.
Players, at your next game or training session, think about connecting the current moment with your long term goals of development and progression instead of just to the moment in front of you. When you do this, it’s easier to truly understand this concept. When we are focused on results and outcomes of TODAY, we much more easily get hung-up on mistakes which derails our play and takes our head out of the game, negatively impacting both our confidence and performance.
Another example, let’s say you are someone who has a habit of shooting before you look at the goal and your placement isn’t great because of that. Let’s say you have a game where you don’t score, but you did a better job of picking your head up and consciously picking the area you want to aim at before making contact with the ball. Even though your team didn’t win and you didn’t score, this is a MASSIVE advancement for you! THIS IS SUCCESS separate of game results. THIS is the stuff that moves you forward.
If you do something just 1% more than you usually do it, THAT IS SUCCESS. That is progression. Because, all that you can do is ALL THAT YOU CAN DO, and success comes from doing THAT.
Success comes from identifying what you can control, setting an intention to do it, DOING IT, and then CHOOSING TO ALLOW yourself to feel good about that. This last part is really important because this is how you build your confidence, letting yourself feel good about the small things you do for yourself, day in and day out. That’s having your own back.
Let’s think about this concept in a little more specific way. Is your goal to play soccer in college? Well, you don’t need to win every game while you are in 8th grade (I mean, it would be nice ya, but what I’m saying is that it is NOT NECESSARY), all that you need to do right now is focus on growing towards becoming the player you want to be. Because you don’t need to be the best right now, what you need is to be the BEST when you are 17 or 18. Right now there are girls that are more naturally talented than you, thats a fact. But if you keep going, keep moving yourself forward toward that best version of yourself, all while having patience for the process and staying invested and committed, you’ll be surprised at what you can do.
Because the truth is that the college coach that is going to recruit you down the road, they DO NOT CARE how many games you won when you were 12. No college coach has ever asked about that. All that they care about is the player you are RIGHT NOW, when they are recruiting you. And who you are right now isn’t a collection of your team’s wins or loses over the years, it’s a collection of all those SMALL, 1% GROWTH moments that have just built and built and built upon each other.
Being able to define success as something other than (scoring, winning, no mistakes) is a SUPERPOWER.
When you empower yourself with this ability, you start building a solid foundation of true, deep belief in yourself and your abilities – one in which your self-worth is not fully wrapped up in your performance, but instead is attached to things you can control. With this foundation comes more stable confidence. Meaning you can have an off day or make a mistake in a game, and it doesn’t impact how you feel about yourself as a person. At this point you can now TRULY understand that mistakes are an unavoidable piece of the game, and that they don’t define you as a player or a person.
To sum it up, opting out of the standard definition of success is how you accelerate your growth and play with more freedom, joy and overall mental wellness. It’s how you UNLOCK YOUR GREATNESS.
Thank you so much for reading this email and for being an ally by understanding the importance of the mental piece of the game! I appreciate you all so much. Till next time,
💎 What I’m digging: This week it was announced that Seattle will be one of the cities to host a USMNT group stage game during the 2026 World Cup!
👩🏽💻 What I’m reading: Unlocked by George Mumford is all about the key to becoming a great athlete is to tap into your own authenticity and well of internal validation, my kinda book 🙂
🎧 What I’m listening to: I’m currently watching Rewired by Dr. Joe Dipenza which is packed full of new research and information about how the brain works, and how to rewire it to do things differently. Loving this series so far, its fascinating.
Grow your confidence through preparedness.
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Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
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