Sometimes, you can work harder than you ever thought possible… and still lose.

Soccer can be brutal. There’s no getting around the fact that every game ends the same way… one team gets the win, gets the trophy, gets the praise…. the other team gets back in the car, stares out of the window, and thinks… “how the heck did we lose that game?”

No matter who we are, what level of the game we are playing at, OF COURSE we are always trying not to lose.

But we do lose… sometimes big – sometimes against bad teams, sometimes in front of scouts, sometimes during play-offs, sometimes in the State championship match.

Losing in any of these situations can feel like a big deal… and it is, because winning is everything.

What other players don’t know though, is that there are so many more ways to win besides just on the scoresheet. And I DO know this, which is what gives me an edge over everyone else. And it’s going to be what makes me great.

I am always fully 1000% committed to helping my team take home the W, absolutely, that’s what we are striving for every time we get on that pitch. BUT, I also understand that that W is not the most important WIN of the day.

The most important WIN for me, every time I walk out onto that field, is to move myself forward toward becoming the player and person I want to be. THAT is how I define success now. THAT is how I keep climbing and growing and expanding my game, regardless of the result of the match.

I didn’t always see things this way though, and I’m not perfect. Sometimes I show up to a game and am completely filled with self-doubt… I think about how the other team is better than us, how the other girls are more talented than I am…

But then I catch myself. Which is something I learned to do in mental skills training … “hey, it’s just a soccer game, and you love playing soccer. Not to mention, you have been playing soccer your whole life, you know what you are doing and you are GOOD.”

Even with coaching yourself through things though, sometimes you still lose.

Sometimes you lose other things as well. Like your starting spot, or your playing time. And suddenly you start thinking “am I a terrible soccer player?”

But here is where you really get to test yourself. These moments are great because only inside of hard, challenging moments like this can you grow your mental toughness …you know what you have to do…. you have to keep working. And keep competing. And keep focusing on what you can control. And keep showing up as the type of person you want to be known as.

In soccer, perfection is impossible… even top-ranked players do not complete every pass, win every 1v1 or make every tackle. They do not score every time they are on the field. They do not WIN every time they are on the field. They do not have a clean sheet every time they are on the field.

When you show up to COMPETE, you learn not to dwell on every intercepted pass or miscalculated decision. You have to.

You teach yourself to think: OK, I didn’t have enough pace on that pass. It’s only one play.

OK, I misread the speed on that player and didn’t mark tight enough. It’s only one play.

Even a great shot on goal, an amazing passing combination with my teammates, an on-point tackle: that, too, is JUST ONE PLAY.

Here’s why I am telling you this.

When you’re on the soccer field in the middle of a game, the current moment you are in HAS to be the most important thing in the world.

But when it’s behind you, it’s gotta be behind you… This mindset is really crucial, because it frees you to fully commit to the next moment, the next play… and the next one after that… with intensity, clarity and focus.

The truth is, whatever game you play in life… sometimes you’re going to lose… it’s a roller coaster, with many ups and downs.

And it’s natural, when you’re down, to doubt yourself. To feel sorry for yourself.

And by the way, your opponents have self-doubt, too. Don’t ever forget that.

But negative energy is wasted energy.

You want to become a master at overcoming hard moments. That to me is the sign of a champion.

The best in the world are not the best because they are perfect and don’t make mistakes… It’s because they know they’ll lose and …make errors… again and again… and have learned how to deal with it.

You accept it. Cry it out if you need to…

But then you move on. Be relentless. Adapt and grow.

Work harder. Work smarter.

So, as you head out onto the field the next time, definitely try to stop goals, score goals and win the game, of course, but also… remember…. that is success yes, but it is NOT the biggest win of the day. The biggest win is you moving yourself forward towards becoming the player and person you want to be. THIS IS THE REAL SUCCESS. And this is something you have 100% full control over, it’s something you can do each and every day, regardless of the outcome of the match. Nobody, except you, can ever stop you from having success on the field when we define it this way.

This is super important to understand because, if you actually want to reach your goals & have fun along the way, your high expectations of yourself MUST be the constant pursuit of improvement, not the demand for perfection. And I’m telling you from personal experience, once you GET this, absolutely everything about your game, and your life, changes for the better.