December 9, 2024: I feel very strongly about this topic because it is at the root of so many struggles that competitive and elite youth players are dealing with. And often times, when players are in a good coaching environment, they don’t pay attention to this, and then all of a sudden WHAM! they find themselves in a not-so-great coaching environment and they have ZERO of the skills they need to navigate this moment because they haven’t spent any time building up their own internal validation and inner-coaching skills.
So what am I talking about? THIS ⬇️😳⚽️
When we talk about confidence, often times we find ourselves talking about our coaches and whether they do or don’t give it to us, or help us build it.
And I get that, truly. We all want a coach that lifts us up and builds our confidence, of course. But, while we want this person to help us be more confident, ultimately, it’s ACTUALLY OUR JOB to do this for ourselves.
YOU are actually the one in charge of your confidence. And knowing how to build it for yourself is a CRUCIAL skill if you want to be the best you can be and enjoy the game to it's fullest.
What it really comes down to is a balance, because yes of course we are always striving and wanting to be in a healthy coaching environment where we are feeling seen, we are feeling like we belong and we are getting that validation. BUT, and here’s the main message of this whole thing, we also need to be able to have a really strong foundation of INTERNAL VALIDATION so when we are NOT in a favorable environment, we don’t fall apart.
We need to be able to have our own back and give ourselves the validation we need because, unfortunately, it's not always going to come from our outside environment.
There are going to be moments when you are not receiving from your coach what you think you need to be confident. At some point, you might have a coach who thinks that the way to make you mentally strong is to be super hard on you. You might have a coach that yells a lot and gets visibly upset when mistakes happen. Or you might even have a coach that you like quite a bit, but their style is just that they don’t give out a lot of validation. To anyone. It’s not necessarily that they are tearing you down, they just aren’t actively building you up.
The reason we need a solid foundation of internal validation, and the skills to coach ourselves through things and be that support system that we ourselves need, is because it is 100% guaranteed that you will hit some sort of obstacle (like any of the coach situations we just described, or something else) and you are not going to be supported externally as you would like to be. And you need to be able to navigate that moment and get yourself through it and out the other side in tact (side note: we are not talking about abusive & dangerous situations here, in those cases, tell someone and remove yourself from the environment immediately if you can).
Moral of the story – of course we are always striving to be in a good, healthy environment that really supports us, but sometimes it is not going to be there. Whether that is in soccer or life, there are going to be moments when the outside environment is not providing you what you need to be seen and feel confident. Sometimes it’s just not going to be there, so you have to know how to be that person for yourself 🫶🏾🔥
Till next Tuesday,
💎 What I’m digging: The anti-consumerism approach to the holidays. I haven’t given or received gifts in years, and it’s life-changing and freeing (I’m the extreme example, number 10 on this list 🤣)
👩🏽💻 What I’m reading: Sacred Earth, Sacred Soul, an inspiring book about Celtic wisdom and awakening to the energy connecting us all
🎧 What I’m listening to: This Lofi Holiday beats playlist, I’ve had it on repeat like all week… ❄️🎄☃️
Grow your confidence through preparedness.
Subscribe to our email list to
Get your FREE Weekly Soccer Planner!
We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe anytime.
Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
We respect your privacy. Unsubscribe anytime.
