Perfectionism is something that shows up for a LOT of female soccer players. This is because social conditioning has led us to believe that our self-worth is directly tied to our output. With perfectionism, we end up internalizing that we are only as good as what we accomplish, and that we are only worth something if we achieve and do things ‘right’. This mindset can be detrimental on the soccer field and in life.
While some aspects of perfectionism do enhance performance (such as the ability to deliberately practice and fine-tune technical skills through countless hours of repetition), there’s many aspects that DON’T. If we aren’t careful, perfectionism can catch us off guard and leave us in a position where we end up turning into an overly self-critical soccer player that consistently feels inadequate and no longer finds joy in the game.
{Related read: An in-depth guide for how to OVERCOME perfectionism in soccer}
The thing about striving for perfection on the soccer field is that, while you might THINK it is helping you, it’s actually disadvantaging you. When players are constantly chasing flawlessness and hyper-focusing on impossibly high, unrealistic standards of themselves (aka the standard to play perfect), they are never able to play to their full potential. By playing to not make mistakes, you are holding yourself back and getting in your own way.
Hesitation, lack of confidence and overthinking will have you playing with a self-defeated mentality every time you hit the field. With perfectionism as your guiding light, you unconsciously limit your creativity and playmaking ability. Players can only truly be courageous and play with grit and resiliency when they have embraced the imperfect nature of the game, allowing themselves to fully show up and play their heart out, not caring if they make mistakes as long as they give it their all and leave everything they’ve got on the field.
Quiz: is your perfectionism holding you back?
Is perfectionism negatively impacting your soccer game
OR is it helping you stay focused to fine-tune your skills?
Dealing with Perfectionism: 7 Game-Changing Tips
If you find yourself dealing with perfectionism in soccer, here are 7 tips to help you grow your self-awareness, gain perspective and cultivate a healthy striving mentality in order to overcome perfectionism and become the player that you were meant to be.
#1 - Work towards becoming more self-aware and introspective
Self-awareness is the very first step to leveling up your mental skills in soccer. It is also the first step in dealing with perfectionism. Having the self-awareness to acknowledge that your perfectionism is holding you back is where everything starts. Admitting to yourself that you are dealing with perfectionism is taking responsibility for your own development and it’s a HUGE first step in overcoming it.
BTW – just getting this far is fantastic. Perfectionism is something that holds immense power over you when you look the other way and pretend it doesn’t exist. As soon as you become aware of it, talk about it and question it, it immediately starts to lose its power. Self-awareness is so important because without it, perfectionism has the potential to continue to own you and keep you small.
#2 - Change your perception of success & happiness
Society has a way of teaching us that we are defined by what we do and how well we do it. Social conditioning tells us that our self-worth is based off of our achievements, and achievements are the only way to reach success and happiness.
Reflect on your current attitude toward both success and happiness – where did those ideals come from and how did you get them? Think about both on and off the soccer field. Also, this might be difficult, but try to imagine unconventional ways of achieving both success and happiness, ways that are NOT what you have been conditioned to believe.
Let yourself be creative here, there’s no rules. The point of this self-reflection practice is it to get out of the narrow box we’ve all been put into and broaden our perspective of what success can look like. Success can be different for different people and you want to avoid doing something in your life because you feel like that’s what you ‘should’ be doing. This is a trap of the world we live in and something to beware of.
#3 - Be nicer to yourself and cultivate self-compassion
Having self-compassion doesn’t mean going easy on yourself and letting yourself off the hook when it comes to the necessary hard work to achieve your goals. It does mean giving yourself some leeway and kind, gentle encouragement when things go wrong (instead of letting your inner critic beat you up left and right).
It also means creating a habit of positive, motivational self talk. Here’s a good place to start: tell yourself (right now) that you are doing something good for yourself by simply wanting to dig deeper into your perfectionism. You are already starting to stand up for yourself and that is amazing!
{Related read: How a habit of positive self-talk can ELEVATE your soccer game}
#4 - Replace your current, limiting beliefs with new ones
If you believe negative things about yourself and don’t believe things can change, then you are right, nothing will change. But here’s the truth – most of the things we believe and think about ourselves are self-imposed restrictions that keep us small.
You deserve to experience your greatness. Everyone does. Experiencing your own greatness starts with replacing your current, limiting beliefs with new ones and reworking some of your thought patterns. Here’s why. Often times players with more talent (and less belief in themselves) get passed up by players with LESS talent and MORE belief. Hard-worth and strong self-efficacy frequently bypass natural talent. You see this in the world of professional sports a lot. Players that lack in some area that seems like it should be rather important, make up for it with their effort and their invested, growth-minded approach to the game and succeed as elite athletes.
Self-talk comes back into play here. You can use affirmations (statements you repeat to yourself) such as “I CAN be a help to my teammates and have a successful game, regardless of playing perfectly or not.” Teaching yourself that these two things (failure and success) are not mutually exclusive is just one example of replacing current beliefs with new, favorable ones.
#5 - Shift your view of feedback & Seek it out if you can
Feedback is a necessary, ongoing conversation that you have to have if you want to improve as a player. The goal here is to move from the self-critical mindset of ‘I hate hearing this because it makes me feel like a terrible player’ to ‘I’m actually really excited that I was made aware of this because now I can use it to make my game better.’
Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and seeking feedback from your coach or teammates can really help facilitate this transition. Once you do it a few times and realize that it’s not as scary as you thought, you might find yourself really enjoying it and developing a curiosity for self-improvement and starting to become a real invested student of the game.
#6 - Learn to let go of comparison and appreciate individuality
You are not the same player as your teammate and that is OK. In fact, its better than OK. Your team doesn’t need an army of duplicated players, they need individual, authentic, unique players that all bring different things to the group. And when you have a healthy, striving mentality, surrounding yourself with strong, skilled teammates promotes healthy competition and motivates you to work hard. It’s a win, win for everyone.
What helps with this is making a conscious effort to build up your teammates. Be a leader. Point out the things that make them unique and valuable and LET THEM KNOW how awesome they are! You will be blown away by how powerful a team connection you can forge by supporting each other, and you will see it manifest into positive results on the field on game day. Not only will your team play better, most likely your individual game will see benefits as well.
#7 - Acknowledge that dealing with perfectionism WILL include setbacks, challenges, mistakes and difficult situations
Determination, persistence, resilience and personal drive are necessary to reach high levels of sport. They are also important when dealing with perfectionism in soccer because it’s not a quick fix and requires patience for the process.
No athlete has ever gotten to the top of their game without stumbling many, many times. In order to grow and improve as a player, each of us needs to be vulnerable, honest, and enlist the help of supportive people around us to help push through the challenges and continue our relentless pursuit of self-improvement and development as soccer players.
Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
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