the tuesday transition - issue 60
January 16, 2024: As a coach of young women, I understand the immensely important role that mentality and confidence play in the game of soccer, and as we head towards the spring season of soccer, I wanted to share with you some valuable insights from this past fall season.
Before we dive into the common themes showing up for female athletes everywhere, it’s important to address the question of HOW players arrive in a place where these mental hang-ups and self-defeating mentalities gain traction, ultimately negatively impacting their game play, their on-field confidence and how they feel about themselves overall.
The truth is that, when we participate in competitive levels of sport, pressure, expectations and comparison always enter the picture at some point (even when players are in a healthy environment).
These things are inevitably a part of the game, but navigating them isn’t typically a piece of what players are learning on the soccer field (team training commonly focuses on technical, tactical and physical elements – not mental). Since many players aren’t equipped with mental skills tools, players can struggle to move themselves through challenging moments and situations, resulting in many of the below patterns.
Here are 5 important mental skills lessons from the fall soccer season and guidance on how to shift away from these unhelpful thought patterns and towards a healthy striving mentality in the upcoming spring season:
(Pattern #1) Many players define success only in regards to their ability to meet results-based expectations (examples: winning, scoring goals, keeping clean sheets, eliminating errors, etc.)
NEW PERSPECTIVE FOR PLAYERS: I can define success differently than the world tells me to. I don’t have to go along with the standard way of defining success, I can opt out of that and choose to see things differently. And that means focusing on what I can control.
I understand that in a game, all that I can do is ALL THAT I CAN DO, and success comes from doing THAT.
Success to me means, each and every game, focusing on the controllable things I can do to move myself toward being the player I want to be. Win or lose, I CAN achieve that. Yes, winning and scoring are great and I always want to strive for those things of course, but I can’t fully control whether they happen or not, so they can’t be how I measure success (if I let those things be my guiding light and I define myself based on those expectations, I’m setting myself up to always feel bad because I am not in full control over whether they happen or not).
MENTAL SKILLS TOOL to help with this: Controllable objectives are manageable, SPECIFIC, small actions that you have the power to do, no matter what everyone else is doing. They are conscious choices that you can always make, and whether or not they happen is completely up to you. They are focused on the PROCESS of self-improvement, not on the outcome of the game and not on eliminating mistakes.
(Pattern #2) Many players hold themselves back and do not take chances (such as attacking 1v1, shooting more or using their non-dominant foot) because they are afraid of what will happen if it goes wrong.
NEW PERSPECTIVE FOR PLAYERS: Playing with the sole purpose of not making mistakes actually prevents me from playing with freedom, creativity and joy. It prevents me from maximizing my potential, accessing all my skill, and making an impact on the game. It keeps me small.
There is no world where I get good at something by doing it perfectly every time.
I understand that in order to get good at something I’m going to have to DO it, and mess up, a lot. This takes bravery but I’m willing to do that because I want what’s on the other side, I want to get good at this skill. When I try something and make a mistake, I’m not failing, I’m actually progressing. I’m going forwards, not backwards. In fact, every time I try, THAT is the win, regardless of how it goes – because each time I try, I am moving closer mastering that skill.
MENTAL SKILLS TOOL to help with this: The best way to get yourself to take action and not hesitate or overthink, is to intentionally choose a more helpful message specifically focused on this task. Instructional self-talk is when you give yourself a set of ‘instructions’ about what you should be doing right now in the game. It is the MOST HELPFUL thing you can do ON THE FIELD to execute without overthinking. It is a trigger to remind you to do an action. Instructional self-talk is short: 1-4 words only, a question or a command, and it must be said on repeat in order for it to override the unhelpful thoughts.
(Pattern #3) Many players have confidence that is fully reliant upon external validation. Meaning, they can only feel confident and successful when they receive approval and praise.
NEW PERSPECTIVE FOR PLAYERS: Don’t get me wrong, compliments are wonderful. It’s always great to hear “nice job!” from coach and be seen and have my hard work acknowledged. It is a great confidence boost and helps me feel good about myself. But when I 100% rely on this for my confidence it can put me in a pickle because I am now allowing something outside of my control (other people) to determine the way I feel about myself. I am not in charge of my confidence then, everyone else is, and that’s a problem.
True, stable confidence and deep belief in myself doesn't come from other people, it comes from ME.
I understand that nobody can give me my confidence, nor can they take it away. I am the only one in charge of that! I have to be my own biggest cheerleader and believe in myself. I do this by making sure that each and everyday, I am showing up for myself, taking charge of my development, and focusing on what I can control.
MENTAL SKILLS TOOL to help with this: Your inner coach is YOU. It is you talking to yourself, helping yourself and COACHING yourself through hard moments. It’s you giving yourself encouragement and helpful advice. It’s you having your own back, its you choosing to celebrate your wins and your successes before looking to your coach or your parents to validate the good thing you just did. Adversity is 100% guaranteed on your soccer journey, and your inner coach is one of the best tools you can develop to help your future self get through challenging moments.
(Pattern #4) Many players get hung-up on missed opportunities, ref calls, mistakes, an opponent who is frustrating them, etc. and get completely distracted, leaving them unable to focus on the game.
NEW PERSPECTIVE FOR PLAYERS: Many of the things that come into my head during a soccer game, whether they are negative or just simply unhelpful, are essentially just distractions. They are distractions because they impede my focus and concentration and mess with my performance.
If I have the self-awareness to know that I'm overthinking or hung-up on something WHEN I'M DOING IT, then I suddenly have the power to choose to do something different.
I have the power to think more helpful thoughts and bring my attention back to the game, but if I don’t notice the distracting thoughts happening, I can’t change anything – therefore, its a WIN when I catch myself because that’s the first step to overcoming it. When I’m self-aware of my thoughts, I can self-regulate my attention and my emotions and keep myself in my optimal performance zone, under pressure, in any circumstance. This is mental toughness. No matter what the distraction I can stay locked in to the game – all by working to become more self-aware and NOTICING what’s going on in my head.
MENTAL SKILLS TOOL to help with this: Meditation is EXACT practice for being able to stay focused on the field. It also helps you move AWAY from self-defeating thoughts, such as overthinking or getting hung up on mistakes, and keep your attention on the game in front of you. When you meditate, your mind will start thinking about the past or the future, 100% guaranteed. Your job while meditating is NOT to ‘clear your mind’ (this is a common misconception), your job while meditating is to simply NOTICE when your mind wanders, and then bring your thoughts BACK to the present momentby focusing on your breath, sounds, or how your body feels. Basically back to anything that is present moment based.
(Pattern #5) Many players become hyper-focused on what they lack and get caught in a detrimental cycle of self-doubt and comparison, leading to feelings of perpetual inadequacy and failure.
NEW PERSPECTIVE FOR PLAYERS: I choose self-belief, not self-doubt, but it is definitely the harder option and requires more work. Self-doubt is so easy for me to have because no matter what I am doing, there will always be a ‘next step’ that I need to work on. I understand though that this is part of the game and I choose to look at that ‘next step’ in a growth-minded way, NOT as what I can’t do compared to other people. Because when I look at the ‘next steps’ as what I lack and have not yet achieved, I am constantly filled with doubt, I am ‘not enough’ in my own eyes.
I opt out of that thinking and instead on my pursuit of that ‘next step’, I pause often and look BACK at all of the things I’ve done to get myself here. All of those ‘next steps’ that I’ve already accomplished. I allow myself to feel good about all the work I’ve already done, all the successes I’ve already had, and I use THAT to cultivate self-belief when I look forward and up towards the ‘next steps’ that I’m working toward right now.
MENTAL SKILLS TOOL to help with this: Healthy competition helps to shift us away from comparing ourselves to others in a detrimental way and instead uses it as a factor to grow our game and cultivate authentic motivation and drive.
Example, let’s say you have a teammate you compete with for playing time in the same position. If you truly want to become the best player you can be, this isn’t a bad thing, in fact its a good thing. Having a strong teammate to compete with is one of the best things that can ever happen to you in soccer BECAUSE IT CALLS YOU TO STEP UP. It calls you do put in time, energy, effort and grow your skill. It calls you to take responsibility for your development and focus on what you can control to improve. It takes your focus off of the problem and puts it on the solution.
The first step of mental skills work is normalizing the conversation around these topics, so if you or your player(s) struggles with any of the above, the winter months are a great time to start talking about how to lean into these new perspectives. The reframes above are all part of the healthy striving mentality that help players not just perform better, but find joy in the game and experience mental wellbeing and increased confidence. These new mentalities can take awhile to build, but with focused effort and patience for the process, players can change not just their game, but positively impact other aspects of their lives as well.
Till next week,
💎 What I’m digging: I had the opportunity to attend the 2024 NWSL draft last week and it was such a cool experience! Special congrats to Kelsey Kaufusi of Utah State and a member of last summer’s Minnesota Aurora FC team that I worked with.
👩🏽💻 What I’m reading: Finally reading one of the original mental skills books, The Inner Game of Tennis: The Classic Guide to the Mental Side of Peak Performance. Book review coming to the blog soon!
🎧 What I’m listening to: Slowly working my way through KEXP’s 2023 Albums of the Year list. Learning so much about so many amazing artists!
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Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
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