the tuesday transition - issue 54
August 29, 2023: Something that I hear often when working with players is: “I just don’t want to let my team down.” And that’s a completely reasonable thing to want – nobody wants to feel like they are letting people down, it’s an awful feeling!
But what I want to talk about today, is ARE you actually letting them down, or do you just FEEL like you are?
Many players equate a good performance with playing perfectly, not messing up, and not letting their team down. As a mental skills coach, working 1-1 with female soccer players, all of this is pretty common for me to hear.
Another important thing to note here, in the same conversation, when I ask them what type of player they are and ask them to describe themselves, I’ll consistently hear players say: “I’m very, very hardworking”.
I'm going to pause right there and ask you to entertain a new perspective here for a moment.
This is something I walk my players through after hearing them say these two things about themselves. Let’s pretend our player’s game is Addy.
Coach Jenn – Addy, can I ask you something? If your teammate made a mistake in a game, but then worked super hard to adjust and recover and kept playing hard, would you think she was letting you down?
Addy – No, definitely not.
Coach Jenn – What would be the only way you would feel like she was letting you down?
Addy – If she just gave up after the mistake and didn’t try to fix it.
Coach Jenn – So you wouldn’t feel like she was letting you or the team down if she kept going and kept working hard after the mistake, right? The only way you might feel that way is if she just stopped playing and didn’t do anything to help?
Addy – Correct.
Coach Jenn – OK, now let me ask you another question. Are YOU hardworking on the field? Specifically after something goes wrong, like your pass gets intercepted or you take a poor touch, do you adjust and work hard in those moments immediately after that happens?
Addy – Yes, of course. I always work super hard and I don’t give up.
Coach Jenn – So, let’s think about what we just talked about with your teammate. When she works hard after a mistake, you don’t think SHE is letting you down, right? So do you think that your teammates think that YOU are letting them down if you do the same thing, work super hard after a mistake?
Addy – No, I guess not. I’ve never thought about it that way.
Coach Jenn – What WOULD be the only way they would probably think you were letting them down?
Addy – If I didn’t do anything afterwards and I just disengaged and gave up.
Coach Jenn – Do you do that?
Addy – No, never.
Coach Jenn – So do you think that anyone is ever truly thinking that you are letting them down?
Addy – No, they probably are not. Wow.
MAGIC, PROBLEM SOLVED.
Many of the things we think and believe about ourselves are just ideas and perspectives in need of a reframe, a new way of looking at things.
As players, we can really easily get stuck in these ruts of seeing things with just one inflexible perspective and because of that, we really limit ourselves and hold ourselves back.
Seems pretty simple, the reframe here. And it is….but at the same time it isn’t. To reframe stuff like this you need to be able to completely step back, be openminded enough to take a new perspective offered to you, and try it on and see if it fits. WHICH CAN BE CRAZY HARD because our brain likes what it knows. It tends to dig into one viewpoint and isn’t easily persuaded to see things differently. But it is possible. And can be game-changing.
Here are a few other things on the field that could use a good reframe:
- How to talk more in soccer (hint: we are usually going about this communication thing all wrong)
- High expectations (often times we THINK we have high expectations, but what we actually have are unrealistic expectations of perfection that are impossible to meet – it’s important we know the difference between the two)
- Errors and mistakes (we feel like these things are holding us back and preventing forward progress, but the truth is that they ARE the forward progress – and when we train on the edge of our ability and force the errors, we can actually get REALLY good, REALLY fast)
That’s it for this week! I hope everyone is enjoying their time with their teams preparing for the fall season! Whether that’s league play, school soccer or a collegiate season for you – bring on the fun!
💎 What I’m digging: This Messi highlight reel from his MLS debut last week against the New York Red Bulls. THAT GOAL.
👩🏽💻 What I’m reading: Luis Rubiales’s actions after Spain’s World Cup win are bringing about the much needed #MeToo moment in Spanish women’s soccer.
🎧 What I’m listening to: The Daily’s podcast episode ‘The End of an Era for the US Women’s Soccer’ (I highly recommend giving this a listen, it’s insightful).
Grow your confidence through preparedness.
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Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
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