the tuesday transition - issue 55
September 12, 2023: I’m serious when I say this – this ONE skill can change EVERYTHING about how you play. And it can do it pretty quickly too if you really lean into it and give it a try.
The interesting part here is that I’m not talking about a soccer skill, per-say. I’m not talking about a technical, tactical or physical skill. I’m not talking about a specific foot-skill or anything having to do with ball mastery. I’m not even talking about a leadership or teamwork or communication skill.
The skill I’m talking about is self-compassion. Now before you stop reading, hear me out for a second:
Self-compassion is HUGELY important for all athletes because of it's unique ability to move you THROUGH difficult moments QUICKLY, while also helping you gain/learn/grow/expand your actual soccer skill in the process.
Here’s my 2-part definition of self-compassion as it directly relates to soccer players:
Self-compassion is the ability to (1) hold yourself accountable to doing the work that needs to be done to improve while also (2) being kind to yourself. Basically, be nice to yourself but DON’T LET YOURSELF OFF THE HOOK.
What this means in more useable terms, is that when you make a mistake on the field, the best way to process that moment is to look at it objectively and see what needs to be improved and commit to doing that work. But at the same time, NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP about it and even go above and beyond and be supportive and nice to yourself as you talk yourself through the hard moment.
Each part of this self-compassion definition is of equal importance, it doesn't work if we don't have the balance between (1) accountability and (2) kindness.
Here’s an example, let’s say you are at the end of a very long training session and you just made a poor pass that wasn’t well placed and it got intercepted by the other team. Self-compassion here might look like this, “OK – that pass was not great. I didn’t check my shoulder so I didn’t see that player come in. Next time I get the ball I will definitely make sure to check, and I’ll put extra focus into doing that all week so that I’m ready for the game this weekend. I’m a hard-working, committed player so I know that I can improve on that, I just need to keep going and keep practicing.”
You’ll be able to move on much quicker than if you said to yourself,“that pass was terrible, I can’t believe you did that, you are an awful soccer player.” Right? THIS is how self-compassion changes everything.
Here’s why balance between (1) accountability and (2) kindness is so important. If you made that same bad pass, but only did the first part (hold yourself accountable to doing the work needed to improve) and not the second (be kind to yourself) – what would happen? You would be out on the field listing off all of the things you need to do better, and beating yourself up about it every step of the way. Your inner critic would be out in full force. When this happens, YOU GET STUCK. When you are cruel to yourself about something that happened, you are unable to move through it and keep your head in the game. Your performance suffers.
On the other end of the spectrum, if you just did the second part (be kind to yourself) but didn’t do the first part (hold yourself accountable to doing the work needed to improve), you would be out on the field making mistakes and not caring about improving for next time. You would be letting yourself off the hook for doing the work you need to do – which isn’t good! While this mentality might work for a beginner playing for fun, if you are playing in any sort of competitive or elite program, this definitely doesn’t work and will prevent you from growing as a player, and probably from getting playing time.
So why is self-compassion the one skill that can change everything? Because having self-compassion on the soccer field is what makes you a resilient soccer player. And playing with resiliency DOES change EVERYTHING about your game. Resiliency is when you to move THROUGH mistakes, challenges and other hard things and not get stuck. And when we don’t get hung-up on things, we play in the moment and WE PLAY SO MUCH BETTER.
Resiliency is a crucial skill for soccer players. Why? Because adversity is 100% guaranteed along your soccer journey – and when you don’t have resiliency, it becomes impossible to overcome adversity. You become a player that doesn’t function well inside of challenging games. You become a player with limiting beliefs. You become a player who is unable to play freely, creatively or with bravery. You become a player to is unable to stay focused on the game in front of them. You become a player that isn’t maximizing their potential.
This is how self-compassion changes everything: it is the KEY to unlocking resilient play on the field.
As you head out to your next training session this week, try this two step process when you feel yourself getting stuck on a mistakes and see it if helps:
(1) objectively look at what happened and hold yourself accountable to doing the work needed to improve (meaning, figure out what things you can change NOW and what things you can work on this upcoming week, and then make a plan to do them both)
(2) be KIND to yourself and provide yourself encouragement in the moment (this ‘being nice’ piece isn’t about letting ourselves off the hook, it’s about identifying the facts of the moment, figuring out what’s next, and then having our back and supporting ourselves as we work to make that happen.)
If you are unable to do this self-compassion exercise ON the field in the run-of-play, it might be easier to start with some self-compassion during water breaks, or even after training. Try it out this week and let me know how it goes! And as always, send in your questions, I’m here to help!
Till next time,
💎 What I’m digging: The USWNT roster for their upcoming friendly games. Looking forward to seeing some of these new players on the pitch!
👩🏽💻 What I’m reading: Did you know that there was one tree that survived 9/11 and its now part of the WTC memorial? This is a pretty amazing story.
🎧 What I’m listening to: The latest episode of ‘Snacks’ where Sam & Lynn talk to Ashley Hatch about the current state of the NWSL Golden Boot race.
Grow your confidence through preparedness.
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Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!
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