Stop telling Yourself What NOT To Do in Soccer Games. It’s Not Helping.

Published: October 20, 2021
Updated: February 20, 2023
By: Jenn Ireland

Category: Confidence, Performing under Pressure

If you are a soccer player that is constantly telling yourself what NOT to do in soccer (DON’T stab at the ball, DON’T miss, DON’T mess up) then you should absolutely read this blog post. Why? Because telling yourself what NOT to do in soccer is actually extremely counterproductive and does the exact opposite of what you think it will do. It’s detrimental self-talk and it is setting you back and getting in the way of your development.

Focusing on what NOT to do in soccer puts you into a self-defeating cycle

“Stop telling yourself what NOT-to-do on the soccer field”. I got this wonderful little piece of advice from Ben Freakley, Head of Mental Performance for the Toronto Blue Jays, during a mental performance skills coaching course put on by United Soccer Coaches. And it makes so much sense – if you truly want to play better, and learn how to stop diving in or how to hit more shots on target, the first thing you need to do is quit threatening yourself about what NOT to do and focus your self-talk on things that are more productive and will actually help you in the moment.

Here are some common things soccer players tell themselves NOT to do in a soccer game:

don’t dive in!
don’t stab!
don’t make bad passes!
don’t miss!
don’t lose the ball!
don’t mess up!
don’t play badly!
don’t suck!

Telling yourself what NOT to do in soccer is setting yourself up for heartache right from the start. By telling yourself NOT to do something, you are actually way MORE likely to do it! Crazy right? But true – you are much more likely to make the mistake than if you weren’t hyper-focused on avoiding that exact mistake. This is because all of your attention is on it.

When you put all of your attention onto something that you are trying to avoid, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It takes over your thoughts and infiltrates your self-talk, leaving zero room for any of the good, useful or constructive thinking that could actually help you make a positive change.

So, not only does this mindset NOT help avoid mistakes, but it’s detrimental to the rest of your game as well because it leaves you without the mental capacity to focus on the things you need to be focusing on in order to play well (such as decision making based on what’s happening around you on the soccer field).

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The problem with playing to not make mistakes

Players that identify as perfectionists very easily can find themselves in this trap of consistently telling themselves what NOT to do in soccer. Threatening yourself to play well, demanding perfection and setting impossibly high expectations of yourself is a quick route to a soccer experience void of any passion or joy.

{Take the quiz! Is PERFECTIONISM negatively affecting your soccer game?}

Playing to not make mistakes gets in the way of you performing well. It doesn’t allow you to maximize your potential or have nearly as much positive impact during a game as you could be having.

Playing with passion, intensity and creativity takes a backseat when you are fully occupied with thinking about what NOT to do in soccer games. Good decision making requires situational awareness, and situational awareness is harder to come by when you are spending all of your time and energy thinking about that one thing that you DON’T want to do.

When you work to overcome perfectionism on the soccer field, you start to let go of the loud, negative chatter in your mind and are able to refocus on other things – such as taking a different perspective and trying new things to actually help you make the changes you want to make.

Take action to improve your game

You can’t simply tell yourself NOT to do something and then expect yourself to magically stop doing it. You also can’t shame or threaten yourself into stopping, especially if it’s an ingrained habit that you have been doing for awhile.

If you want to change something about your soccer game and get stronger in a certain area, you have to put in the work, be invested and be open to trying new ideas. You also have to willing to have patience with yourself because it’s going to take awhile, you’re not going to get it right away.

Changing your self-talk is the key

Like we mentioned before, if you are constantly telling yourself what NOT to do in soccer, you are going to be more likely to do it because that is where all of your attention is going.

If you have a weakness in your game for stabbing (prematurely reaching for the ball and getting off-balanced and beat when defending 1v1) and want to know how to stop stabbing in soccer, the key is this: you must switch your thoughts away from “don’t stab!” and toward things that are useful and constructive, aka positive self-talk and specifically: instructional self-talk.

What exactly is instructional self-talk? Instructional self-talk is when we walk ourselves through something. When we guide ourselves by giving ourselves specific directions about what TO DO and how to perform an action. It’s talking to yourself in a constructive, helpful way and not a negative, self-defeating way.

Helpful reminders during the run of play

If you want to get better at soccer, start by replacing your usual threat of what NOT to do in soccer games, with an instructional self-talk message instead.

For example, when you are pressuring an opponent with the ball, instead of repeating over and over again in your head ‘don’t stab! or don’t dive in!’, consider using something like this instead, ‘close the space ASAP! get low! chop steps! stay balanced! take away their time and space! delay! stop forward progression!’ This will take your attention away from stabbing and getting beat and refocus you on delaying forward progression, which is what you are ultimately after.

For players that find themselves constantly telling themselves ‘don’t miss!’, try something like this: ‘pick your head up! look! where is the keeper NOT?! placement! laces! follow through!‘. Essentially, choose whatever helpful instructions work for you and put those on a loop in your head instead of the messages about what NOT-to-do.

Your personal self-talk message

How do you figure out what YOUR own personal instructional self-talk message should be? First, you need to figure out what you WANT to do instead of what you DON’T want to do. A DO THIS…. message, not a DON’T DO THIS… message.

Yes, this is a DRASTIC change from the way you typically talk to yourself during soccer matches, but I challenge you to step outside your comfort zone and try to stop telling yourself what NOT to do in soccer the next time you play. You might be pleasantly surprised at what happens.

Hi everyone! I’m Jenn and I create content to help female soccer players and coaches maximize individual and team potential by developing healthy mindset skills. Join other subscribers and sign up for the newsletter for all my best tips and advice!

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Hi everyone!

I'm Jenn, a USSF C-licensed youth soccer coach, mental skills coach & founder here at Expand Your Game. I created this site because it is the site I needed when I was a soccer player.

About me: I am a former newspaper photojournalist who loves downtempo electronic music, guacamole and books of every sort. And of course soccer! On days off you can find me researching tiny farms in Portugal , tossing a frisbee for my dog, or tending to my growing collection of indoor plants.